i was in the kitchen today making jam (oh yeah, one batch of raspberry jam and another of strawberry) and i thought of a family member that i really love and wondered how she was doing. she’s from my new family, my honey’s family to be specific. i’ve only seen her a few times but i really love this girl! on the outside, you see this beautiful, confident and athletic young woman. but, after a few heart to hearts, i really got to know her and it was very clear early on that we had a lot in common, especially our struggles.
while i was practising piano tonight, as my honey got to relax on our papasan chair, she messaged me! didn’t i read about this last week? synchronicity from tarot for change by jessica doyle. i’m pretty sure i even wrote a blog post on it, but i forgot if i had transferred it over to the new version of the site.
reminder: repost that blog post on tarot for change
blogging has been new in my life and i was excited to share it with her. to write so freely but still aim for privacy and anonymity, it’s very therapeutic. anyhow, i’ll start my day tomorrow with another blog post on self-consent. for today, i’ll end off with a moment of gratitude. but first, a moment to reflect on moments of gratitude.
there was a particularly gloomy season in my life that stretched out over a few years. i was disowned by my family (those who kept in touch i’m sure were afraid of being reprimanded) and i felt abandoned and lost. during this time, i developed intense paranoia to the point where i felt unsafe in my own home, and a shade of agoraphobia as i had intense fear of ever leaving my home (that same home i was so scared to be in, go figure). anyway, the point of this recollection is how i had very little gratitude in my life at that time. more accurately, how i had never made space or built capacity in my life to practice gratitude.
consider yoga, you develop your flexibility, strength and resilience, most especially by creating space for deep breaths no matter what pose you’re in (or attempting for the first time). breathing through the difficulty, the deep stretches and the shaking limbs. just like yoga, gratitude is a practice. those nights when i felt that life was too difficult to continue and that i was abandoned by those i loved most, i was so fortunate to have my honey, there by my side, every single night. safe in his arms, he would ask me, “what are you grateful for?” and every night, we would practice this together. we’d each come up with three unique points of gratitude and share with one another. very often, it was another detail about our kitties who we cherish so much, but it was truly a mindfulness exercise as we tried our best to find new things every day for which we were grateful. how incredibly successful this was. years later, thinking of what i’m grateful for has become second nature. living (and more importantly, staying) in the moment is actually achievable now!
so, let’s end with a moment of gratitude:
i thank the universe for bringing into my life both a negative void (in the form of a very challenging upbringing) and an abundant fortune (of incredible friends & some family members); each aspect sharply contrasts the other and i think it’s through this divergence that a lot of meaning in life can be harvested & cherished.
but, forever and always, i’m grateful for finding the most incredible person in the world and for being able to share my life with him. by being together, we have both grown immensely and i think, this kind of deep and meaningful growth can only be achieved with the right person. i’d dare to even say soul mate, but there’s some misunderstandings about that word that i’ll explore in another post.
reminder: one day, blog about soul mates
thank you, world